Source:- Google.com.pk
When I was a ventriloquist, I not only wrote my own jokes, but I would also buy a lot of joke books (from bookstores, yard sales, etc.). It is impossible to present you with all the jokes I have. But, as I find jokes I enjoy, I will try to present them to you based on author, category or whatever. I also realize that my sense of humor might not mesh with yours. So please bear (pun intended) with me because I've tried to post jokes that do not offend but amuse.
The elephant knows the answer to all questions.
Just put your mouse over him and he will tell you.
What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the bill?
"Here come the elephants over the hill."
So, what did Tarzan say when he say the elephants coming over the hill wearing dark glasses?
Nothing. He did not recognize them.
Why do elephants wear pink tennis shoes?
Because white ones get dirty too fast.
Why do elephants float down the river on their backs?
So they won't get their tennis shoes wet, silly.
Why do elephants have wrinkled ankles?
Because their tennis shoes are too tight.
So, why to elephants have wrinkled knees?
From playing marbles.
How do you tell an elephant from a grape?
A grape is purple.
What did Jane say when she saw the elephants?
"OOOH look at all those grapes. (She was color blind silly)
Why are elephants colored grey?
So you can tell them from canaries.
What is it that looks like an elephant and flies?
A flying elephant.
What is it that looks like an elephant and flies and is very dangerous?
A flying elephant with a machine gun.
If you are colorblind, then how do you tell an elephant from a grape?
Jump around on it for a while. If you don't get any wine, then it's an elephant.
Why don't more elephants go to college?
Not too many elephants finish high school. :(
How do you put 6 elephants in a Volkswagen?
Three in front and three in the back.
Why do elephants need trunks?
Because they don't have glove compartments.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
From jumping out of trees.
How do you know if an elephant is standing next to you in an elevator?
By the smell of peanuts on their breath.
Why do elephants prefer peanuts to caviar?
Because they're easier to get at the ballpark.
How does an elephant put his trunk in a crocodile's mouth?
VERY carefully!
What do you call elephants who ride on trains?
Passengers.
Why do girl elephants wear angora sweaters?
So you can tell them from boy elephants.
What does a bald elephant wear for a toupee?
A sheep.
Why don't elephants like blue lace petticoats?
Who said they don't like blue lace petticoats?
Where do baby elephants come from?
Big storks!!
What did the banana say to the elephant?
Nothing. Banana's can't talk silly.
Why do elephants lie on their backs with their feet in the air?
So they can trip birds.
How can you tell if an elephant is sleeping?
When he is in bed with the covers pulled up and wearing pajamas and his pink tennis shoes are off, the chances are he's asleep, if he's snoring! But, watch out just in case.
Why did the elephant walk around in polka dotted socks?
Somebody stole his tennis shoes.
Why did the elephants quit their job at the factory?
They got fired for working for peanuts.
How do you housebreak an elephant?
You get 14 copies of the New York Times - the Sunday Edition.
How can you tell if an elephant's been in the refrigerator?
By the footprints in the pizza.
Why do elephants eat peanuts?
Because they are saltier than prunes.
Where do you find elephants?
It all depends on where you lost them.
What did the elephant say when he got caught in the revolving door?
"If this place wants to do much business with elephants, they better get bigger revolving doors."
How do you make a hamburger for an elephant?
First you take 500 jars of mustard, 60 gallons of catsup, 90 pounds of onions and then you get this BIG BIG bun....
What do elephants eat besides hamburgers?
Canned elephant food.
Why do elephants have hair on their tails?
Why not?
What do you do when an elephant sneezes?
Get out of the way!
What did the nearsighted elephant say when the Volkswagen ran into it?
"How many times have I told you kids --- don't play in the street."
Why don't elephants ride buses during rush hour?
They're afraid of pick pockets.
What do you call a duck that gets all "A's" in school?
A wise quacker
Why do birds fly south?
Because it's too far to walk.
How do you keep a skunk from smelling?
You plug his nose with a clothspin.
What do you get if you cross an alley cat with a canary?
A Peeping Tom.
What do you call a grocery clerk in Peking?
A Chinese Checker.
What does cho-pho-use spell?
Chop House
What do you call a man who's always wiring for money?
An Electrician
Where were English kings usually crowned?
On the head.
What is the best cure for insomnia?
A good night's sleep.
How can you tell a happy motorcyclist?
By the number of bugs in his teeth.
What pill do you take to get way out?
A space capsule.
What rides on a motorcycle and eats cotton?
Evil Boll Weevil.
What did Paul Revere say when his ride was over?
Whoa!!!
If King Midas sat on gold, who sat on silver?
The Lone Ranger
Why does the chimney smoke?
Because it can't chew.
Now what do you do when you see a green light?
I stop! (They say it every time, rather than I go.)
If the red house is on the left and the blue house is on the right, then were is the location of the white house?
In Washington, DC
What animal can fly higher than a house?
All flying animals because houses don't fly.
Why did the wagon train stop in the middle of the prairie?
It had Injun Trouble
What's the difference between an old Indian head penny and a new nickel?
Four cents.
What do you call an Indian hitchhiking in October?
An Indian Thumber
Which is correct?
Yolks of eggs are white, or yolks of eggs is white?
Neither because yolks are yellow! (That's a yolk on you!)
What was the worm doing in the cornfield?
Going in one ear and out the other.
What's yellow and always points North?
A magnetic bannana
What's green and makes holes?
A Drill Pickle.
What's green and very sarcastic?
Don Pickles
What's a buccaneer?
A terrific price for corn.
What's the best way to prevent infection from biting insects?
Don't bite them.
What's big, black and eats rocks?
A big black rock-eater.
Where was Solomon's Temple?
On the side of his head.
What has long hair and purple feet?
A lion that makes his own wine.
What are you sure to get if you cross a porcupine with a gorilla?
A seat on the bus.
What's red, carries a sack of toys and falls down the chimney?
Santa Klutz
What has 16 legs, a bra and whistles through the woods?
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall?
He wanted to make up for his lousy summer vacation
What goes 99 thump, 99 thump, 99 thump?
A centipede with a wooden leg.
Which American president wore the largest hat?
The one with the biggest head.
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing Buses
Life is tough....but what can you always count on?
Your fingers.
What's another name for a grandfather clock?
An old-timer
What time is it when a clock strikes thirteen?
Time to either get it fixed or get a new clock.
What goes up but never comes down?
Your age. (Some say taxes also)
What did Cinderella say when her pictures didn't arrive?
"Some day my prints will come."
How do you top a car?
You tep on the brake, silly.
What do you call a knight with a rotary engine?
Don Quixote de la Mazda
Two wrongs do not make a right. But what do two rights make?
The first airplane.
What did George Washington say to his men just before they got in the boat?
Men, get in this boat!
Is major surgery possible on a very obese woman?
Yes. But it is much better and more safer if done on an operating table.
What gets wetter the more times it dries?
A towel
How do you now when you're no longer wanted?
They take your picture down at the Post Office.
What's the greatest engineering feat performed in the U.S?
Wheeling, West Virginia
What is the greatest surgical operation ever recorded?
Lansing, Michigan
What New York building has the most stories?
The Public Library
What do you get if you eat uranium?
A-tomic Ache
What's the proper name for shiska-bob?
Shiska Robert
What always weighs the same no matter how big it gets?
A hole
What's the best way to raise potatoes?
On a fork
Another name for a mobile home salesman?
A Wheel Estate Dealer
What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?
He simply let out a little whine.
Why did Jane divorce Tarzan?
He became too big of a swinger.
How many big men have been born in Alaska?
None. Only small babies.
What weighs 2000 lbs. and has a stick in it?
A hippo-popsickle
Riddles And Jokes For Kids Funny Jokes for Kids About School to Tell Friends to Tell Their Parents About Teachers in Hindi Photos
Riddles And Jokes For Kids Funny Jokes for Kids About School to Tell Friends to Tell Their Parents About Teachers in Hindi Photos
Riddles And Jokes For Kids Funny Jokes for Kids About School to Tell Friends to Tell Their Parents About Teachers in Hindi Photos
Riddles And Jokes For Kids Funny Jokes for Kids About School to Tell Friends to Tell Their Parents About Teachers in Hindi Photos
Riddles And Jokes For Kids Funny Jokes for Kids About School to Tell Friends to Tell Their Parents About Teachers in Hindi Photos
Riddles And Jokes For Kids Funny Jokes for Kids About School to Tell Friends to Tell Their Parents About Teachers in Hindi Photos
Riddles And Jokes For Kids Funny Jokes for Kids About School to Tell Friends to Tell Their Parents About Teachers in Hindi Photos
Riddles And Jokes For Kids Funny Jokes for Kids About School to Tell Friends to Tell Their Parents About Teachers in Hindi Photos
Riddles And Jokes For Kids Funny Jokes for Kids About School to Tell Friends to Tell Their Parents About Teachers in Hindi Photos
Riddles And Jokes For Kids Funny Jokes for Kids About School to Tell Friends to Tell Their Parents About Teachers in Hindi Photos
Riddles And Jokes For Kids Funny Jokes for Kids About School to Tell Friends to Tell Their Parents About Teachers in Hindi Photos
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